*panics*

Ohmigoth I have my first exam on thursday
English...I'm so gonna fail. I didn't go to school today, so I missed my last english lesson before the exam. I can't do this...

It's only just hit me now that I've actually got exams in a two days.
ANd english is so important too, if I fail int2 I won't get higher, i don't have higher and I won't get into ECA. Simple as.

And just thinking about the exams makes me dizzy. I'm going to end up hyperventilationg in the exam hall or bursting into tears or something and having to leave.

Right now I feel dizzy, and sick and it's all i can do to not cry and keep breathing properly. Doesn't help that my nose is all blocked from allergies. Curse you, tree pollen.

I can't even imagine what it will be like if I fail. No ECA...
And part of it is thinking of the people, one person in particular, who will probably get five As at higher and I'll be lucky if I get two passes and higher and two at the lower int2 level.

And I don;t even know why. I don't know why I can't stand being in school even thouhg it's the same place i've been going to for 5 years, the same people.

And I'm even better off now than I was in 1st year, I have a boyfriend (who I'm on msn with right now, and he's not replying to me. I say I'm scared i'll fail and he'll say i'll do fine i should go to fucking bed. Git. Thasnks for fucking realising that i'm upset. ) and I have at least a few people who i can eat lunch with and not feel like they want me to go away. I don't even have to do the subjects I hated back then like maths and geograph and stuff.

but it's like a mental block, I'm out of the habit of school, and everytime i go i'm more out of place because i haven't been there, it's a vicious circle. I just don't know how I got to this point. i don't understand why everyone else can do it and i can't. I'm so useless. Pathetic. worthless and stupid and selfish attention seeking dumb lazy kid. I cant even invent reasons anymore. i just don't work.

I don't know what to do. I have to go to school tomorrow. I still haven't finished my coursework, I have four drawings still to do and one written NAB. And I have to somehow get some kind of course notes or something from englsih so i at least have something to write down.

I'm soscared I'm going to fail. Or throw up in the exam hall. or both.