School

I feel awful...I'm gonna fail an English exam tomorrow. I have to write an essay on a short story, and I have no idea what I'm going to write. I was supposed to do notes, and I started today and realised that there's nothing I can think of to write about in the story I chose.
And it's too late now. I'm going to fail. And this is the second time I've done the exam, and I only get one re-sit. So I can say bubi to Higher English this year. Which means I'm pretty much fucked. I now HAVE to stay on at school next year if I want to make it to art school. it sucks. The idea of going through the whole english year again next year sucks.

And there's a possiblility that I've failed a history nab as well, which makes my second fail in history. I'm dreading getting my results back. I don't know how long it will be before I get kicked off that course too.

I'm also possibly going to be chucked from the Fashion and Textiles course on Tuesday, if I don't get some work finished. I'm thinking about just asking to be dropped. I've been doing the course for three years, and I've hated it from the start. The teacher is mean, and bitchy and gives us too short a timespace to finish our items in. She didn't help us atall; we are expected to know how to do everything already and to do it perfectly each time. The sewing machines are always broken, and there's not enough for everyone so often I was sitting around doing nothing all lesson, wasting my time. In the end, everyone had worked out that if they wanted to pass, we had to choose a really simple, easy thing to make, like cusions or simple shopping bags. Minimal decoration, like fabric paint or a few beads. It was boring, and dissapointing and generally crap. If we did anything more complex we'd run out of time. I only took the course again this year because there was nothing else to take. I've regretted it ever since. But I need passes.

My art project is going badly, I can't get ahold of good images to copy and I'm not allowed to make my own up. Everything I do turns out rubbish. Art was the one thing I thought I was good at, but it doesn't seem like it anymore. I'm so scared of failing art. I have nothing else.

And all the while I have to try to cope with a friend of mine who I've fallen out with. She posted this journal on dA...
"my friends start going manic-depressive on me, and it's like... Let's get ____ to pick up our pieces! It's not like she's got anything going downhill for her!!

I really wish I could break something and then burn it to embers and dance naked over it's glowing remains.
So basically...

1. I'm stressed...
2. This is the second week I've come home in tears from work...
3. I really miss Him...
4. I have FOUR NABS next week, which, if I don't pass, I get thrown off my course.
5. I have to finish an art project for THURSDAY! FECK!
...and 6. I feel like everyone's grabbed a little piece of me and is yanking hard. I'm tired and I'm stressed, and I'd like it if my friends/work would appreciate the amount of freaking effort I put into them/it."

And I replied:
"I'm going to assume people don't mean me when they talk about people going all depressed on them. Because I don't remeber asking for help - unless being told to quit sulking qualifies as a helpful effort...and I definately didn't ask for that.

You're stressed?Well...so is practically everyone else.

Friendships aren't about what you give and what you get back.

Just because it doesn't show always, it doesn't mean no-one cares. We do.

And remember that if people are coming to you for help, it's because they need help. Blaming them for you feeling stressed isn't fair.

Just something to think about."

Because she keept telling me to cheer up or stop sulking. And she hasn't even asked why I was upset. Even though she knows I was having problems. And then she said we don't care about her. Everyone gets stressed about school.
After that she stopped speaking to me. I don't know if she read my reply but I felt bad about it and deleted it. I still have no idea what her problem is.
I was at a party-type thing and she was there, she acted as though she didn't know me. Her parents said hi and her brother spoke to me, though I'd only met him once or twice before. *shrug*
At the Christmas party at school...everytime she came close to me in the assembly hall she turned and went the other way, and in the corridor she walked right past She looked but she didn't say hi. But really, I had a better time with my other friends, jumping about pretending the music was good, rather than standing around trying not to embarass her.
She's like this all the time - even when things are seemingly going fine...chopping and changing between ignoring me or being friends. She's gathered a group of people around her and she likes to flit between them choosing the ones that suit her best at the time. I don't care if she's had a hard time recently it's still not fair to take it out on others.
I got tired of being her accessory, so I decided not to be anymore. The only thing is, it's tricky as most of my friends, apart from her, I only see at lunch, but she sits with the same people at lunch. It's hard to avoid her without loosing them too. And she's friends with my bf, which was fine until she started being mean(er) to him too. He referanced an old running joke we had the other day, and she said somthing sarcastic like " oh so now it's time to make jokes at my expense to make your girlfriend laugh," or something along those lines. It kind of stung how I'm just "your girlfriend" now. And I couldn't believe how bitchy she'd become suddenly. I really don't know what to do now. I can't seem to get away from her, I can't ingnore her, she's the kind of person who makes everyone pay attention to her, so if I ignore her it's hard to interact with other people too. I found out that a couple of my friends find her hard to put up with sometimes too, which made me feel a little better though. It's almost like someone is on my side. But I haven't said anything to them about this. I don't think I will- I don't like bitching like that. Lulz, apart from in uber-long blog thingies.

Ehhh...it is reaaaallly long. I doubt any one would read the whole thing anyway..so does it really matter what I said? =P